I have been feeling terrible lately, I am so unsure of what I want to do. I feel so sick and the desire to be in this world is demenshing by the day. I do not enjoy being here anymore, I feel like any minute I will take my own life.

I feel god awful, I feel isolated and exhausted. I no longer have the energy to do anything anymore. I cannot sleep and when I do, I physically cannot get up. It is difficult for me to either go to school or work. It is hard for me to do anything and I hate it. I feel so alone, I get these constant waves of depression and I don't know what to do. I just sit in my room and play on my game hoping the feeling goes away. I feel like existing isn't worth it anymore, especially when I always feel this way. I have never felt this terrible before but, now I can no longer handle it.

Hello, it has been a while. I still feel really bad and I feel like I have made a decision on what to do. However, the unfortunate thing is that I do not want to burden my family and friends. I am trying my best to at least stick around but, the feeling is getting worse over time. I also did something dumb on Friday, I reached out to Emma. I did not want to put my burden on her but, she was the only person who made me happy. I miss her a lot, I wish things turned out different between us. I really believed she was my soulmate, she was everything that I wanted. I digress. It is saddening though that she did not respond back, just feels like they did not care. Like everyone else that I met. Even though it was very hurtful for me. I do not feel important enough to stick around and I do not care about myself. I am getting weaker and the ineviatble may happen. I am sorry. I am getting so tired, I will not be able to stall for much longer...

I feel so alone, just sitting in my room with my own thoughts. I just cannot relax, it is so much. I tend to think about how I just want to escape from everything. Wanting to escape physically and mentally. I used to have an escpae, Emma was my escape. I adore her, she was such a sweetheart. Treated me so well, she meant a lot to me. I never meant anyone like her, I will never meet anyone like her ever again. She was perfect in my eyes, she was everything I have ever wanted. Nothing can compare to her, no one will ever be better than her. Just thinking about the things we did fills me with joy and grief. I remember our Minecraft World, our long drives to and from her place, and what I think about this most was when I was showing her how to drive... I was so excited, I was excited for us. I wanted to do everything with her, go everywhere with her. Do what she wants and do what I want... But, I longer can. I no longer have her by my side. She made it clear that she can no longer be there for me anymore. I miss her, and sometimes I wonder if I loved her to an extent. She gave me feelings that I never had... I have never met someone as pretty and as loveable as you. I miss you.

I just cannot seem to be happy. I hung out with my friends today and I just felt so alone terrible. I hate it, I really do not want to be here anymore. I fucking hate myself so much. Everything, personality and all. I hate my body, I despise it, I am such an ugly man. I am a mess, an ugly mess. I will never learn to love myself.

Favorite song: Scars-Novulent